The following is a letter I wrote to my love:
Babe, today was tough but profound.
This morning I woke up acutely aware that I finally had something concrete for doctors to look into, and my mind almost went into full-on panic mode. What if they wanted to treat me in a way that hurt my body? What if I needed surgery? What if? What if? What if? And as I drove back home from dropping off our little one, I realized I’d just that quickly picked the whole situation back up again. It happened so fast! I immediately started verbally letting go of everything that was worrying me, and my heart rate slowed again. So, I guess staying anxious is a choice?
After my come-to-Jesus moment, I went on a hike with one of my friends. She talked about her issues. I talked about mine. For the first time in a while, I didn’t feel like the only person giving in the conversation. She reciprocated with some really good advice.
As we talked, my body overheated and I passed out. It sounds dramatic, but it was bound to happen. I didn’t drink water, and we were walking in ninety-degree weather.lol. Do better Cyrah… Surprisingly, the experience wasn’t scary. In some weird way, the whole thing reminded me of what letting go looks like in a very practical way.
When my body overheated, I completely lost control and passed out. but someone was there to catch me and take care of me. The passing out wasn’t nearly as bad as the fear of passing out when I started to feel off. I had a deep dream and woke up to a caring friend, who actually KNEW how to make sure I was okay. She wasn’t panicking. Her medical training kicked in. She got me into the AC, fed me, gave me water, and monitored me. We laughed as I ate, cracked jokes, and went our separate ways.
I think this experience was there to show me what letting go looks like in real-time. It’s like a figurative trust fall and being caught by someone capable and loving.
So, today was a good day after all. I just had some mind-stuff, talked it out with God, and literally had to let go. Before jumping into the rest of my day, I hydrated and took a nap, allowing my body to recover. I’m thankful, and I’m more than okay.
Before jumping into the rest of my day, I hydrated and took a nap, allowing my body to recover. So, today was a good day after all. I had some mind-stuff, talked it out with God, and literally had to let go. I’m thankful.