I feel like my body is really close to complete healing. I should be excited, but instead of feeling excited, I feel distracted by all the other life stuff happening around me.
Here’s the thing: I knew at the beginning of this healing journey I would come out of it okay. It took a while for me to let go of the dramatic, terrible outcome I thought was going to happen and just make peace with the current situation. I was down, but I could heal with time. Once I made peace with that reality and started doing the work, somewhere along the way I assumed that the journey would be easy. I thought that if I was destined to be better, I would only have to do a few steps, and voila! Completely healed.
I didn’t realize that circumstances beyond my control would continue to happen, even though I was already going through something I didn't like. I would never say it out loud, but somewhere deep inside my psyche, I thought the world would stop so that I could focus on getting better. It didn’t.
I forgot to factor in resistance.
Here are just some of the things that have happened since the beginning of my healing journey:
1. Both of my family cars crapped out and needed major repairs. Multiple times.
2. My mattress also crapped out. I woke up in pain some days, and my sleep cycle was completely off for about a month, so that made it harder for my body to heal. Fun fact: one night my arm started going numb and I started having slight pressure on the left side of my chest. Instead of freaking out, I called my doctor. Turns out, the nerves in my shoulder were all bundled up because of terrible sleep practices. The good news was that I wasn’t having a heart attack. I just needed to go to the chiropractor and buy a new mattress.
3. I found out (via pain) that I’m gluten-intolerant and my body really doesn’t like dairy or sugar. I changed my diet completely.
4. Oh, and COVID showed up in the US. So . . . pandemic.
5. (Really a continuation of 4) My family was stuck in the house together for three months because the entertainment industry (where all the adults in my home work) completely shut down. Thankfully, God provided, and our home is taken care of.
6. (Really a continuation of 5) The entertainment industry revved up almost out of nowhere, and we all had to adjust to an accelerated pace. Which meant quarantining on set, sometimes parenting alone, trying to audition and stay safe, blah, blah, blah.
7. My mind freaking out from time to time because it just wants to fix my body.
8. A family member of mine received a really terrible diagnosis.
You get the point. My “walk in the park” healing journey didn’t happen, but that's life. AND it's a little bit of a blessing. Challenges keep us sharp. They keep us on our toes. They force us to create solutions when we'd be otherwise content. Challenges reveal our capabilities and our limits. Life isn't meant to be a multi-decade struggle, but "easy" doesn't make us. Consistency in the face of adversity does.
So, this morning, I am grateful for the resistance. I choose to get up, be kind to myself, and keep moving forward. One day my body will feel amazing again, and I will have become someone awesome during the wait.