waiting

​Right now I'm in the middle. You know, those times when you're waiting on something awesome and you don't quite know what to do with yourself in the meanwhile? I am waiting on three opportunities as I write this: some are professional, some are personal. It's exciting but also a little... frustrating. I'm right in the middle. It's like I'm back in my senior year of high school, and I can see my graduation finish line. I'm moody. I'm over it. AND I feel guilty for being over it because these are first world problems. I spend most of my mental energy taming my inner brat.

I have always been terrible at waiting: 

• In my junior year in high school, I figured out that I could graduate a semester early. But a technicality kept me in school my entire senior year. I whined my way through it, skipped prom, and daydreamt about life outside of "prison" until I finally got out of there.
• A similar thing happened in my junior year in college. My advisor and I did the math and created an early graduation plan. She asked, "Are you sure you're ready to graduate? The real world is hard." I responded with a resounding, "YES!" Even with early graduation on the horizon, I knocked out assignments and quickly as I could and moped my way through the last month of classes. Again, I skipped most of the festivities along the way. Sidebar: HBCUs have a celebration for everything. There are luncheons and luncheons for the luncheons and award ceremonies and pictures and convocations and all sorts of events to make students aware that the moment was super special. I thought, "No thank you!" Just give me my degree, and I'll be on my way.
• The final month of my pregnancy was the absolute worst. My belly dropped a little earlier than expected, but the last couple of weeks I went on the longest walks just hoping for an even earlier arrival. I wanted my body back! My kid came a week before his due date, and he STILL couldn't come fast enough.

I have many, many more professional examples, but what is my problem? In all of these examples, the good thing I wanted was coming at the right time (which in most cases was earlier than normal), but I didn't know how to sit still and just enjoy the time in the middle.

When I look back, I realize this nervous energy has less to do with excitement for the future and more to do with discomfort in the present. I have to work on staying still and enjoying the moment until it's time for a change. Otherwise, I'm miserable during a time when I should be celebrating and soaking up the world around me.

If I could talk to my younger self, I would tell her to slow down and enjoy all of it. I would tell myself to celebrate my hard work and recognize that the season I was so anxious to get out of was really beautiful all along. I can't really talk to my younger self, but I can talk to my present self.

Cyrah, the present is beautiful. Enjoy it. Celebrate it. Because when the future comes, the present will be over, and you don't want to have missed it.